Hello October

My dear Autumn is here!! I can see the leaves slowly turning on the tree at the bottom of my garden and I'm definitely feeling the chill in the air. 

I had two pumpkin spice lattes n starbucks yesterday and I felt so warm and cheerful sitting there. These will be a little treat this Autumn as I  don't want to blow my student loan until after xmas in starbucks even if could..... hehe .










I also got a new colouring book a few weeks back and I do a few pages from that too chill out too which is good. Also it keeps my mind focused on something else. 















I'm back in university on Tuesday I'm looking forward to getting back into the routine of things again but I'm also a little scared of things to come as it's going to be more pressure and harder plus marks count this year towards the final mark. 
I'm going to just try my best with whatever they throw at me this year and I'll get through my way. Just plod along....

Waiting....

I can't wait for October to come I'll be back at university making things again back in a routine again too. I'm looking forward to getting the briefs and thinking up things I can make. 

This summer has been too long. Why do universities insist on making summer holidays really long.. 

I'm currently sitting on a chair in my old bedroom drinking tea and munching on bonfire toffee. It's suddenly got cold and I've put a jumper on and wrapped myself up in a blanket. I do like it when I can make myself cozy and warm. 

What's the next few months going to bring? What's the Autumn and Winter going to be like? I'm waiting for something but not sure what I just have to wait. 

This year has gone quick but feels slow too I don't know if that's just me though.  

That's  enough of my nonsense for this week i hope you have a good week dear reader xxxx

A walk into memories

It's been a while since I last posted but I've not had much to talk about if I'm honest.
 I'm currently back at my parents house in Lancashire and last night we got hit by a major thunder storm which lasted all evening even causing a blackout so we sat around by candle light. I don't like thunder storms but glad I was in the company of my parents and moggies.

Today I decided I'd blow off the cobwebs and go for a walk down memory lane aka Ball Grove Park Nature Reserve. 

 

I started off with a brew at The Lakeside Cafe sitting on the side of the pond enjoying the cool breeze and watching the ducks swim. I also had two dragonflies fly pass me but they were too quick to capture with my camera on my phone.

After my brew I walked along the path to the small waterfalls it was peaceful just to sit there and listen to the river flow. Yet again I saw quite afew more dragonflies but they were too quick.

After leaving the falls I walked down the path which led to a wooded grove full of oak trees, in this area there's meant to be woodpeckers but I didn't hear or see them. The sign also said there's owls too but they'll be all sleeping.

 

I did see many butterflies flying about even one landed on an oak leaf and posed for me. 

I came across lots of stairs leading deeper into the nature reserve. If I kept on walking along these little pathways I'd have reached The Bronte Trail which leads onto Wycollar Country Park and onto Howarth famous for the Bronte sisters. 

 I carried on following the river and watching out for other wildlife. I spotted lots of ducks , dragonflies, small birds and even a wild rabbit.

 

  

 This little pathway brought back lots of memories as I used to walk it to get to my best friend's house as deeper down the pathway we get to a dry stone wall and a little ladder which gets you into a field and that is the field to get through to get to my best friend's parent's farm.
 I didn't venture far after this I turned around and went back the way I came. 

On my way back though I sat by another lake and watched the dragonflies dance about. It's something so tranquil just sitting by the lake and listening to the near by river which made me feel relaxed and for a while forget things. 

 These guys by looks of it did the same just chill out and enjoy the warm sunny day.

On my way back I decided I'd walk to my old primary school but couldn't look around without an appointment so I left it instead I went around the church yard next door. Memories came flooding back as a kid me and my friends used to go collecting the best conkers in the church yard for the autumn tradition of conker fights. 

Christ Church CoE Colne , Lancashire

 

 

 

 

 

 

 It was nice to go back to where my love of nature began and see how amazing it has become. 
The Lakeside cafe is a new addition as that's only been open just under a year and the play ground has changed a lot too. But everything else hasn't still peaceful and tranquil. It's part of my home town I actually love. 




 

Mindfulness and relaxing

This week I've been doing mindfulness meditations everyday as well as eating a bowl of salad for my lunch, in the salad is Spinach, Coriander , Peppers and mango , black pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice. The salad keeps me going until dinner whatever I decide to have and the meditation first thing after I wake up helps me get on with my day however I choose to spend it. 

Calm....... Relax...... 

  Two little words I use every day to distract myself and make my day better. 

I breathe in and I breathe out, 

I sometimes struggle to switch off that's why I've turned to Mindfulness meditation and some times I go and do the practice outside where I can hear the motorway or sounds from the industrial estate or even the trains passing by every hour. But it's more peaceful at night it's quiet and like last night I went out into my garden lay on the grass and looked up at the stars. I felt at peace looking at the stars. 

Today I'm keeping the stars with me so I can keep that peace and I'll try my best to not let the thing's which have worried me over the past few days get to me. I'm currently sitting in my living room whilst I write this blog I heard the bell of my friend Poppycat earlier so she's hanging around in the garden somewhere. 

This evening as the sun goes down I'll light my incense and I'll put on a CD and I'll drift away into another world but before that The Great British Bake Off starts again tonight (whoop) I'll be watching that.

And if it's a star filled sky tonight I'll be back out joining them. 

  

Autumn is Coming!!!

I always seem to start my day the same, I wake up I smile then I get up out of bed put on my slippers and I go down stairs and make a brew and some breakfast. I also do that at festivals well without the getting my slippers on and walking down stairs for brew and breakfast. 

Yesterday it was a warm day I decided to go for a walk in the fields again. I gathered blackberries and watched the butterflies.
Whilst I gathered the blackberries I was talking to whoever was listening and telling them how my favorite season is slowly approaching whenever I see blackberries in all their ripeness. Autumn is my favorite season I look forward to warm jumpers and the colours changing within nature where ever I look, it inspires me so much with my art and writings. 
I think of a set of books I read when I was a kid Brambly Hedge by Jill Barklem. The life within the seasons for some mice living in a hedge. 
Whenever I go foraging I feel like one of these mice gathering food for the Store Stump for when the colder months set in. I didn't gather many blackberries yesterday but it did make me happy collecting them. I plan to put them in my freezer and gather more. I'll also get some big baking apples too and then I can make one of my favorite autumn treats, apple and blackberry pie. 

Yes I'm a little fae creature but I'm also like a wild animal I like to gather food and then wrap up warm. 
I put it down to reading about animals by Jill Barklem and Beatrix Potter as a child why I have the imagination I got, I mean whenever I see these wild animals on tv , or out on my walks I always imagine them doing their daily routine how us humans see them and then out of site I see their cozy little homes with bedrooms, kitchens, larders, living rooms etc. It's one of the things which makes me I guess , my wild and wonderful imagination. 
And on my walks I'm half expectingley to hear a rabbit 'come in and rest your feet and I'll put the kettle on', It's little things like this which makes me rather sane or insane but makes me happy and makes think of my own mum in her kitchen making pies, puds and lots of tasty meals.

I'm also looking forward to one of my favorite autumn treats, Starbuck's pumpkin spice treats.. ahhh heaven sitting in a warm coffee shop on a cold day with a pumpkin spice latte and pumpkin spice slice after shopping or even just sitting to watch the world go by. 

We're currently in the last full week of August dear reader hasn't this year gone fast.. Autumn will be almost here and soon we'll be seeing pumpkins and Halloween things in every shop. I'm looking forward to putting on a my hat, scarf and and gloves again and shopping for more jumpers (hehehe) :-) . I'm also going to go out and take photos of this lovely season too, 

Forgiveness

The list of people I want to forgive is endless I wont list it here instead I ask forgiveness in things I've done and things I've said to you to hurt you or upset you in anyway shape or form.

I've done things I'm ashamed of and I've done things which I regret.

I always relive these memories in my mind and they make me so unhappy and I cannot let them go..

I need help in many ways but most of all I need you to forgive me for whatever I have done to hurt you. I only did it out of love for you,

Please please forgive me for whatever it is I did and I'll always be sorry for it too...... 

The Darkness Within Talking..

Over the past few days I've been feeling like the world has died and I've had nothing to live for. I've cried a million tears and I've felt like I've been trapped in a soundproof box and no one could hear my screams..

I kept my brave face on but some could see the tears rolling down some offered a friendly ear and some even gave a hug. But they didn't help. I still felt trapped in the box. 

Some call depression the black dog but I see t personally as the black rabbit, it even scared my spirit hare one time and I've not seen it since even if I have been wearing the amulet and the crystals to protect me. I try to keep a positive head but something seems to beat me down. 

I feel like I'm in constant darkness that I can't find a light I cant find that welcoming spirit to guide me home.. Where I look there's always demons all around. 

There's a light within the darkness but it's hard to keep it lit all the time sometimes either the bulb needs changing or the battery does even sometimes I don't have matches or a lighter so the light stays very dim. 

I either feel like I'm drowning and no one will dive in to save me or that I'm lost somewhere and I cant get out no matter where I can't find my path to lead me back to my home.. 

I keep crying and crying no one here no one there just my lonely little tears falling down.. My sleepless nights and my tired days. I wonder if it's all a dream and that I could wake up from it.. 

I curl up into a little ball on my bed like a sleeping cat but I don't feel the company like a cat does I don't feel like someone will take care of me and comfort me like how the cat does. 

Day after Day, Week after Week , Month after Month and Year after Year I keep telling myself it'll get better.. Keep on smiling.. Don't let them see...