Hello October

My dear Autumn is here!! I can see the leaves slowly turning on the tree at the bottom of my garden and I'm definitely feeling the chill in the air. 

I had two pumpkin spice lattes n starbucks yesterday and I felt so warm and cheerful sitting there. These will be a little treat this Autumn as I  don't want to blow my student loan until after xmas in starbucks even if could..... hehe .










I also got a new colouring book a few weeks back and I do a few pages from that too chill out too which is good. Also it keeps my mind focused on something else. 















I'm back in university on Tuesday I'm looking forward to getting back into the routine of things again but I'm also a little scared of things to come as it's going to be more pressure and harder plus marks count this year towards the final mark. 
I'm going to just try my best with whatever they throw at me this year and I'll get through my way. Just plod along....

Waiting....

I can't wait for October to come I'll be back at university making things again back in a routine again too. I'm looking forward to getting the briefs and thinking up things I can make. 

This summer has been too long. Why do universities insist on making summer holidays really long.. 

I'm currently sitting on a chair in my old bedroom drinking tea and munching on bonfire toffee. It's suddenly got cold and I've put a jumper on and wrapped myself up in a blanket. I do like it when I can make myself cozy and warm. 

What's the next few months going to bring? What's the Autumn and Winter going to be like? I'm waiting for something but not sure what I just have to wait. 

This year has gone quick but feels slow too I don't know if that's just me though.  

That's  enough of my nonsense for this week i hope you have a good week dear reader xxxx

A walk into memories

It's been a while since I last posted but I've not had much to talk about if I'm honest.
 I'm currently back at my parents house in Lancashire and last night we got hit by a major thunder storm which lasted all evening even causing a blackout so we sat around by candle light. I don't like thunder storms but glad I was in the company of my parents and moggies.

Today I decided I'd blow off the cobwebs and go for a walk down memory lane aka Ball Grove Park Nature Reserve. 

 

I started off with a brew at The Lakeside Cafe sitting on the side of the pond enjoying the cool breeze and watching the ducks swim. I also had two dragonflies fly pass me but they were too quick to capture with my camera on my phone.

After my brew I walked along the path to the small waterfalls it was peaceful just to sit there and listen to the river flow. Yet again I saw quite afew more dragonflies but they were too quick.

After leaving the falls I walked down the path which led to a wooded grove full of oak trees, in this area there's meant to be woodpeckers but I didn't hear or see them. The sign also said there's owls too but they'll be all sleeping.

 

I did see many butterflies flying about even one landed on an oak leaf and posed for me. 

I came across lots of stairs leading deeper into the nature reserve. If I kept on walking along these little pathways I'd have reached The Bronte Trail which leads onto Wycollar Country Park and onto Howarth famous for the Bronte sisters. 

 I carried on following the river and watching out for other wildlife. I spotted lots of ducks , dragonflies, small birds and even a wild rabbit.

 

  

 This little pathway brought back lots of memories as I used to walk it to get to my best friend's house as deeper down the pathway we get to a dry stone wall and a little ladder which gets you into a field and that is the field to get through to get to my best friend's parent's farm.
 I didn't venture far after this I turned around and went back the way I came. 

On my way back though I sat by another lake and watched the dragonflies dance about. It's something so tranquil just sitting by the lake and listening to the near by river which made me feel relaxed and for a while forget things. 

 These guys by looks of it did the same just chill out and enjoy the warm sunny day.

On my way back I decided I'd walk to my old primary school but couldn't look around without an appointment so I left it instead I went around the church yard next door. Memories came flooding back as a kid me and my friends used to go collecting the best conkers in the church yard for the autumn tradition of conker fights. 

Christ Church CoE Colne , Lancashire

 

 

 

 

 

 

 It was nice to go back to where my love of nature began and see how amazing it has become. 
The Lakeside cafe is a new addition as that's only been open just under a year and the play ground has changed a lot too. But everything else hasn't still peaceful and tranquil. It's part of my home town I actually love. 




 

Mindfulness and relaxing

This week I've been doing mindfulness meditations everyday as well as eating a bowl of salad for my lunch, in the salad is Spinach, Coriander , Peppers and mango , black pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice. The salad keeps me going until dinner whatever I decide to have and the meditation first thing after I wake up helps me get on with my day however I choose to spend it. 

Calm....... Relax...... 

  Two little words I use every day to distract myself and make my day better. 

I breathe in and I breathe out, 

I sometimes struggle to switch off that's why I've turned to Mindfulness meditation and some times I go and do the practice outside where I can hear the motorway or sounds from the industrial estate or even the trains passing by every hour. But it's more peaceful at night it's quiet and like last night I went out into my garden lay on the grass and looked up at the stars. I felt at peace looking at the stars. 

Today I'm keeping the stars with me so I can keep that peace and I'll try my best to not let the thing's which have worried me over the past few days get to me. I'm currently sitting in my living room whilst I write this blog I heard the bell of my friend Poppycat earlier so she's hanging around in the garden somewhere. 

This evening as the sun goes down I'll light my incense and I'll put on a CD and I'll drift away into another world but before that The Great British Bake Off starts again tonight (whoop) I'll be watching that.

And if it's a star filled sky tonight I'll be back out joining them. 

  

Autumn is Coming!!!

I always seem to start my day the same, I wake up I smile then I get up out of bed put on my slippers and I go down stairs and make a brew and some breakfast. I also do that at festivals well without the getting my slippers on and walking down stairs for brew and breakfast. 

Yesterday it was a warm day I decided to go for a walk in the fields again. I gathered blackberries and watched the butterflies.
Whilst I gathered the blackberries I was talking to whoever was listening and telling them how my favorite season is slowly approaching whenever I see blackberries in all their ripeness. Autumn is my favorite season I look forward to warm jumpers and the colours changing within nature where ever I look, it inspires me so much with my art and writings. 
I think of a set of books I read when I was a kid Brambly Hedge by Jill Barklem. The life within the seasons for some mice living in a hedge. 
Whenever I go foraging I feel like one of these mice gathering food for the Store Stump for when the colder months set in. I didn't gather many blackberries yesterday but it did make me happy collecting them. I plan to put them in my freezer and gather more. I'll also get some big baking apples too and then I can make one of my favorite autumn treats, apple and blackberry pie. 

Yes I'm a little fae creature but I'm also like a wild animal I like to gather food and then wrap up warm. 
I put it down to reading about animals by Jill Barklem and Beatrix Potter as a child why I have the imagination I got, I mean whenever I see these wild animals on tv , or out on my walks I always imagine them doing their daily routine how us humans see them and then out of site I see their cozy little homes with bedrooms, kitchens, larders, living rooms etc. It's one of the things which makes me I guess , my wild and wonderful imagination. 
And on my walks I'm half expectingley to hear a rabbit 'come in and rest your feet and I'll put the kettle on', It's little things like this which makes me rather sane or insane but makes me happy and makes think of my own mum in her kitchen making pies, puds and lots of tasty meals.

I'm also looking forward to one of my favorite autumn treats, Starbuck's pumpkin spice treats.. ahhh heaven sitting in a warm coffee shop on a cold day with a pumpkin spice latte and pumpkin spice slice after shopping or even just sitting to watch the world go by. 

We're currently in the last full week of August dear reader hasn't this year gone fast.. Autumn will be almost here and soon we'll be seeing pumpkins and Halloween things in every shop. I'm looking forward to putting on a my hat, scarf and and gloves again and shopping for more jumpers (hehehe) :-) . I'm also going to go out and take photos of this lovely season too, 

Forgiveness

The list of people I want to forgive is endless I wont list it here instead I ask forgiveness in things I've done and things I've said to you to hurt you or upset you in anyway shape or form.

I've done things I'm ashamed of and I've done things which I regret.

I always relive these memories in my mind and they make me so unhappy and I cannot let them go..

I need help in many ways but most of all I need you to forgive me for whatever I have done to hurt you. I only did it out of love for you,

Please please forgive me for whatever it is I did and I'll always be sorry for it too...... 

The Darkness Within Talking..

Over the past few days I've been feeling like the world has died and I've had nothing to live for. I've cried a million tears and I've felt like I've been trapped in a soundproof box and no one could hear my screams..

I kept my brave face on but some could see the tears rolling down some offered a friendly ear and some even gave a hug. But they didn't help. I still felt trapped in the box. 

Some call depression the black dog but I see t personally as the black rabbit, it even scared my spirit hare one time and I've not seen it since even if I have been wearing the amulet and the crystals to protect me. I try to keep a positive head but something seems to beat me down. 

I feel like I'm in constant darkness that I can't find a light I cant find that welcoming spirit to guide me home.. Where I look there's always demons all around. 

There's a light within the darkness but it's hard to keep it lit all the time sometimes either the bulb needs changing or the battery does even sometimes I don't have matches or a lighter so the light stays very dim. 

I either feel like I'm drowning and no one will dive in to save me or that I'm lost somewhere and I cant get out no matter where I can't find my path to lead me back to my home.. 

I keep crying and crying no one here no one there just my lonely little tears falling down.. My sleepless nights and my tired days. I wonder if it's all a dream and that I could wake up from it.. 

I curl up into a little ball on my bed like a sleeping cat but I don't feel the company like a cat does I don't feel like someone will take care of me and comfort me like how the cat does. 

Day after Day, Week after Week , Month after Month and Year after Year I keep telling myself it'll get better.. Keep on smiling.. Don't let them see... 

Note's to Keep a Positive Me

Well I'm back from my trip to see my parents in Lancashire. 
Whilst I was home away from home My mum bought me a notebook I wrote alot of positive things within it so this blog post dear reader will be be longer than my usual as it's going to be filled with the writings over the past week ( glad I can read my own writing :-P).

Looking Forward 
What is it what make's me look forward? What is it which makes me keep going and not to give up on what I believe in?
These questions I seem to ask myself all the time but I don't really know. I wake up each day and get on with my day however it is until I go to sleep and wake and then continue. 
Do I have a life's goal? No I don't think I do.... well maybe.. Just to be happy i guess. Be happiest i possibly can, by doing that I will keep on living and doing what i can and not give up on my dreams. I've put up with a lot in my past but it's time to forgive and forget and get on with my life for the better and not let anyone or anything drag me down. 

Adventures 
Some people travel to far off places and distant lands for adventure. For myself my adventures started off in my own land my own country of England, UK. I traveled south to Dorset and from there I explored beaches, towns and neighbouring counties.
After over a year I decided I wanted to see more as much as I could when I got back to my home county of Lancashire. I started venturing into neighbouring North Yorkshire and then thanks to friends I got to North Wales for the first time and few times after I decided I wanted to study here. I've been up mountains , in a woodland and by the sea but I still want to see more. 
My heart wants to be free and be overgrown like a bramble patch, but I also want it to be content with it's self. 
I want to explore and find my way with the wild and find out who I truly am and be my own person.
Where ever I'll be I want to look up at the stars and wherever i might be those stars will be different.
Each time I'll look up at the stars the heavens will shine down on me and I'll feel blessed and smile.
My dearest stars , my friends, my family my wishes. You showed me how to sparkle in the deepest and darkest times and no matter where i'll be you'll always be there. 

Cozy for One 
Either by sitting in a little tea room or a busy coffee shop or even in my room, I'm always in my own cozy little head space. I find myself drifting off into a day dream when either doodling, writing  and drinking tea or a latte. 
People don't notice me but I don't mind that at all I feel happy there watching the world go by. 

Flying Free
I've had a lifetime of ups and downs, more downs than i can count, but I want to correct all the wrongs and let them go. I want to be free and start afresh and then I can be free. 
I can not let the future scare me and I'll be able to look forward and do something great. 
I can try new things I can go new places I can live my life how I've always wanted. 
Nothing can hold me back I can look forward and I can be free and fly.

Hopes and Future memories

It's a new week this week and I've got a few things lined up. I've paid my rent and got my shopping I'm also going back to Lancashire to see my family too until next week then I be home then I'll be away with the faeries, so busy few weeks you could say.

I'm sat here watching out my window to my garden thinking how overgrown it's getting but last night I went outside and sat in the grass and I looked deeper in. I saw a resting bumble bee on a flower and I saw many caterpillars and a few beetles. Sometimes it's nice to watch the world go by from a different angle. It was very soggy too and I got a wet bum.

It's the 1st August today and I' celebrating living in North Wales for a year, I can't believe I've lived here a year, it's flown by. I got more things from what I brought with me, mostly clothes and colouring books and  have a printer and a laptop too.
It's crazy how time has flown by. 

What can I say I've learnt about this past year living here, well I've been learning how to live in my own company, how to entertain myself, seeing what's around me and not to be afraid to get lost in a new places and don't be afraid to cry.
This has been one of the biggest moves of my life not just physically but mentally too. I never thought I'd move out of Pendle again but I did, I go back every month to see my family and a few friends. 
I'm hoping for new changes this autumn I'm looking forward to getting back to university and getting back into the routine of  creating things in the workshop again. From October I'll have to work really hard and come up with exciting things for each module and make plenty of samples, do plenty of research and lots of sketchbook ideas, I've been told that second year is hard but got to do well if I want to come out with fantastic grades when I get my degree in 2018. I hope I get to mix the materials too instead of sticking to the one area it's something I'll ask about. 
As a person who believes in astrology I check my horoscope each day and check my short forecast for each 6 month on astro.com  reading for the next 6 months things are meant to improve by October for me.. lets see if it's correct and things do improve. 

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude towards things right now and do as much as I can but unfortunately I struggle with some things sometimes little or big depending on the way you look at them. I always feel like there's two sides to me the negative and the positive.  

Someday's I feel less motivated and I don't leave the house I sit on my laptop all day and just browse on Pinterest or FB and talk to some of my friends who also understand me. I make a brew and some food and watch the day pass me by. 
Sometimes I wake up and I'm excited about my day, I jump in the shower then get dressed, pack a bag and go out for the day. I go somewhere interesting and enjoy myself. Wherever I go I always look for a nice tearoom or cafe and sit and have a nice brew in different surroundings. 

I sometimes I feel like that I'm not good enough for anything I do. I feel like I don't deserve a place where I am and I don't feel like I'm worthy of any of the things I've done over the past 5 years. I feel my eyes are worthy of seeing the things I've seen. 
I feel proud of where I am with my life and what I've achieved. I also feel blessed that I've had people in my life that have wanted to share an adventure with me and taken me places with them as well as gone places on my own.

I love to make memories I love to keep my happiest memories. If I go somewhere new I always make sure I have my camera with me so I can record my memories by a photograph. With photographs I can look back and I can remember and I can smile. 
Some moments of my adult life I haven't photographed but I remember them like the June of my 21st year I got the chance to see the rock band Bon Jovi with a friend but it was a great day. 

I look forward to making more happy memories as my life  goes on. This is the only time my Anxiety doesn't attack me. I keep my mind open not to an event which I know is going to happen but keeping the path empty, those trees haven't been planted yet. 

My book of Positvity

A few months back I started a little book of postivity quotes from different areas , Love , Freedom , Believe , Dreams , Gratitude and I've currently got to Magic. 
I thought around my birthday in March I needed a little bit of positive energy when I'm feeling down so I started the little book. I think it was a good idea as I can look in it and read the quotes then feel better about myself where ever I am either at University or if I'm out exploring nature , going to work or if I'm traveling on the train somewhere. 
I bought a fair trade notebook in my favorite shade of purple, I bought some coloured pens and water colour pencils and got to work making my little book of positvity. 
I think its a very good project for keeping positive and it keeps the creativity flowing even if it does mean browsing pinterest for quotes and doodling borders . I've also put a letter in to myself as as a cute sleeve from a magazine cutting. 
This little book has become my go to when I get upset and lonely.  

Little Book of Positivity 

The little letter is a personal one to myself a little reminder of things which I sometimes forget. 

You could call these the different chapters but as it's a small book I do 3 quotes for each chapter, all very personal to me.

If you want to try this little activity yourself dear reader, all you need is a notebook and things which make you positive and then look up the quotes. Maybe you could put pictures of your family and loved ones in yours. 

I start many things but then I don't tend to finish them but this is one protect I plan to finish before university starts again in October, plenty of time (so I say).

Gratitude

Back to crazy head today dear reader as my mind is all over the place and can't settle..
I woke up and smiled and I felt today was going to be good but then the butterflies of anxiety arrived and they wont go away. 
I've been keeping calm and thinking positive and I been doing the relaxation techniques I do to relax Breathe in and Breathe out .... , go out side and take 5 minutes ( even if it's raining), Poppycat has come round for a visit so her purrs and the softness of her fur helps. I've even just done some baking I've made some tasty fresh stem ginger muffins for myself  and now as I write this I'm currently having a brew. 
I'll forgot what's bothering me so that must help in someway..

Anyways lets forget crazy head and get on with the day................

So it's another rainy day here today but I'm grateful for the rain as it makes lovely pitter patter sounds on the window and it makes me smile knowing that whenever it rains it feeds many lives outside. 

Whenever it's nice outside and I go for my walks I always say hello to the bees who are doing their jobs to keep us all alive, I feel happy seeing flowers in bloom either potted flowers or wild flowers their amazing colours and shapes. It's little things like these things which make me happy that I'm an artist as they inspire me, I photograph the simplest of things as I always think I could do something with that or I collect things which I could use. 
I haven't found a woodland close to where I live yet but I'm sure I will. I want to go to a woodland so I can talk to the trees and thank them for all they give to us humans and apologize for the humans who cut down trees for useless reasons, 
There's so many things in nature we can be thankful for so whenever your out walking maybe you should start saying thank you too.

Nature is art it's just the way you look at it, if you don't believe me just type in nature or natural art in to a search engine you'll be inspired too. 

Every night between 10.30 and midnight I always go outside and say my thanks for the day however its been. I feel happy when I'm sitting within the long grasses of my garden in the light of a little candle in my candle holder.

20 things to have a good day

This week and over the weekend my depression got a hold of me and I felt rather down in the dumps and I couldn't get a positive thought in my head. 

From yesterday I did the following list I felt better for it ( on this list I didn't include FB and texting but I did do those too when I sat and had my brews and I was texting my very dear friend when relaxing in the evening ). 

  

20 Things to have a good day 

1. Wake up and Smile 
2. Stretch out 
3. Get a tasty breakfast to start the day 
4. Have a shower and wash away the night
5. Have the first brew of the day 
6. Sit in the garden and have a mindfulness meditation 
7. Do something productive / creative /enjoyable
8. Get some lunch 
9. Have a small nap 
10. Have another brew
11. Carry on with the activity started in the morning  or start on a new one 
12. Take a break and have a mindfulness meditation 
13. Make dinner , something filling and delicious
14. Start to relax the body by taking things slowly 
15. Have a meditation 
16. Run a bath and soak away the busy day  
17. Sick on some nice relaxing music 
18. Go outside and thank for the day you've had
19. Read a good book 
20. Smile and get a goodnight's sleep 

I'm wanting to better my life with a step towards the positive direction so think this as a good way in that  direction.

Dearest reader will you try this with me too ? 

Feeling introverted and new hobby

Someone posted on a photo on my FB yesterday "your always alone" , yes it's a good observation that I'm always alone, but I feel at times that I'm not alone I have the comfort of nature all around me, Birds in the trees the wind and the rain. I might not have a lot of human connection where I live but I always see so many rushing around with their day to day lives but I'm one of these folks who likes to to take things slow. 

I think I've become very introverted over the past few months I've wanted to be on my own or if I'm in company its of one or a few people. But speaking to my sister she told me I've always been like that.. that makes sense as she's known me for the past 29 years and sometimes she knows me better than I know myself. 

I bought a few notebooks over the past few months, one is going to my continuing journal for the year as I've got to the end of the one I bought back in January, one is an A4 notebook and the other is an A5 notebook I don't know what to use for. 
I have been seeing a lot of posts on Pinterest about gratitude journals saying one good thing per day which has been good even if it's the smallest of things. yesterday's would have read "Poppy cat brought me a dead bird" is that worthy of a gratitude entry I think it could be as she did make me smile. 


Yes I think that's going to be my next project. I'm going to start a Gratitude journal. and each day when I write my blog I will share a photo of what I put in it as well as my post for the day.   

I'll use this notebook as it already has a positive cover to it and why I was drawn to it when I bought it. 
Who know's this little journal idea might make me feel better and banish the negativity I've been feeling over the past year. 





Lets see how far I can get. 


   

Dreams and Wishes

Is this a wish, or is it a weed? 
To me this a tiny little plant which spreads dreams.
 No matter how old we are and no matter who we are we all make a wish on Dandelion Clock some time in our lives. 
I make my wishes and blow them away for them wishes to become a dream and someday come true.

Dreams and Wishes make us all unique human beings. We all have wishes and dreams one of my biggest dreams was to go to university and now I'm at the best art university in Wales. I've worked really hard to get here and here is where I plan to stay. 

Our dreams and wishes change over the years, when we are small children we have dreams and wishes, we make a wish on our candles at birthdays we make a wish and we hope that it'll come true by our next birthday. 

Now as an adult I now know that I have to work hard to get my dreams and my dreams change every so often. 
Right now my dream is to get through university and graduate, then I'll work on my other dreams whatever they may be.

Don't give up on your dreams and wishes dear reader, if you want something so much go for it, I believe in you, don't let anyone stand in your way and tell you you are stupid for whatever your dream is, it's your dream not theirs. Keep a strong mind about it and you will get there.  x.x.x.x. 

My Cozy Little Place

In my tea mug tonight I have a hot chocolate, I've got a relaxation cd on, the fairy lights around my bed are switched on and I've got a little tealight lit in my salt lamp tealight holder... Ahhhh the peace and this is what I call cozy. 

This is how I love to spend my evenings in my cozy little room,  I have a few of my things around me from home, but unfortunately I couldn't bring everything with me when I moved here a year ago but I made this room my own with things which make me happy. My toys are my companions, you may think it's sad a 29 year old with toy animals but I consider them my friends from the left Toothless (a plush from the HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON movies), middle Peter Piper a rabbit I've had since I was 5 and who has been everywhere with me and Glyn the Welsh dragon who I bought just after I moved to Wales. 

My bedside table is now my altar so I have crystals , an offering dish with items for each element, my salt lamp candle holder and candle, a moon gazing hare , a hare cauldron for incense, 2 faeries I made to name a few ohh and a picture of my dearly departed Spikey ( I haven't got round to getting prints of my other family members animals and humans yet.).

As well as sleep in my cozy little room I read books, I study , I watch movies and I meditate. I feel safe and secure here. I hope someday I'll have a cozy little house somewhere so I can bring all the things I love some much under the same roof and not just one room. 

I'm sure you dear reader have your own Cozy Little Space I just wanted to show you mine from where I write my blog from. 

Sleepless Nights

It's late night Friday early hours Saturday morning, I cant sleep so I'm being a night owl and I'm writing this post now....

What happens at night when we are all sleeping? What do we all miss out on? 

I've got my window open, It's a cool night and the air is crisp. If I listen hard enough I can hear the few cars or lorries on the motorway close to where I live. I also can hear the near by owls out on their nightly hunt.

"The sky is awake so I'm awake" - Young Anna - Disney's Frozen 

I see a few stars dotted but the lights from the industrial estate is blocking my view. 

I used to make things at night if I was getting ready for a craft fair or an event. When I feel utterly depressed I cry at night. 
I'm not a party or nightclub person really so I'm not one for going out on a Friday night to get stupidly drunk and make a tit out of myself, nor I have kids so no midnight feeds or comforting from nightmares. I can't drive so I can't go for a midnight drive to the middle of no where to clear my head, instead I'm here in my cozy little room with the light of the screen of my laptop and the heart shaped fairy lights around my bed. 
I've got a Pinterest tab open also FB. 
Yes it's not advised to be online up to the point when trying to sleep but unfortunately this past week I've not slept well due to a lot of stuff happening and it's caused me not sleep well plus have bad dreams. I'm not afraid of the bad dreams tonight I'm just awake...

To help me sleep I'm going to turn off this laptop then I'll put on a chill out cd and try to drift off. 
Goodnight hopefully.......

Lists of me

I started writing in a little book of things about myself which were both positives and negatives but as I was writing these lists I felt a weight had lifted, It made me feel good about myself that I got these wrote down. 

Today dear reader I'm going to share with you :-) . 

Words that describe me

• Creative 
• Imaginative 
• Magical 
• Quirky 
• Whimsical 
• Nature Spirit 
• Day Dreamer 
• Artistic 
• Outspoken 
• Bright
• Interesting 
• Funny
• Caring 
• Loving
• Warm 
• Free Spirit

Things what I like which make me happy 

• Being in nature 
• Woodland walking 
• Walking along a beach 
• Listening to sea 
• Collecting things from the beach (shells , driftwood )
• Listening to running water : streams , rivers, the sea
• Crackling wood fires 
• Cups of tea 
• Warm jumpers on cold days 
• Fleecy blankets 
• Cat cuddles and purrs 
• Being with my family 
• Smell of incense when walking into new age /pagan shops 
• The warm glow of candle light 
• Reading a new book of my interests 
• Flowers
• Sitting in cafes with friends and chatting 
• Bubble baths
• The word 'Cozy'
• Home cooked meal made by my mum
• Being at faery and pagan festivals 
• Taking photos of random things 
• Chocolate 
• Cakes
• Going on day trips with my mum to Skipton 
• Having Cream Teas ( Scone , jam clotted cream and tea ) with my mum  
• Cooking 
• Unusual Charity shop finds 

My Dreams 

• To have enough money to live on my own 
• To be a successful artist in ceramics and pottery 
• To live by the sea 
• To be able to drive and have a little van
• To have a little cat companion 
• To graduate University 
• To make my family proud

My Fears 

• To be lost somewhere and to struggle to find my way back 
• To lose the ones I love 
• Not to be loved and happy 
• To be homeless
• To have no money
• To be trapped
• To let down my family
• To let down myself
• To have nothing
• to be on my own 
• Being unhappy 
• Being unloved

What makes me Unhappy

• Being lonely 
• Having no one to talk to
• Not being appreciated
• Being cold
• Not beng able to be myself
• Feeling like a failure
• Being on my own
• Waking up at night after a bad dream
• Crying on my own 
• Having to say goodbye after being with someone I love
• Thinking of my past 

Another thing which makes me happy is going on Pinterest and looking up things which make me happy and saving them to boards. If you haven't got a Pinterest page I'd say get one as it helps with the most simplest of things for everyday life as well as day dreaming. 

My dear reader if you are like me and you struggle with your confidence why don't you try the lists you'll feel more free with yourself and as time goes along your positive lists will get bigger and bigger and your negative lists will get less and less.

A New Journey

Where does a journey start ? How can I get onto a path?  

I believe my journey is getting somewhere and my path well it's taken a new direction. 

I have moved away to North Wales to get a degree at North Wales School of Art and Design, I want to become a better artist and learn new things which I hope I can do for a career when  I leave in 2018 and graduate. 

 I want to grow as a better person spiritually too. I'm doing more daily meditations and for this I feel more positive in myself as well as I feel more calm. As a level 2 Usui Reiki healer too I give myself Reiki healing once a week. 

Breathe in ........... Breathe out...........

I want to open my soul up to new things. I want to experience new things, I want to learn new things. 

Lets see how far my spiritual journey will lead and I will share it here with you to read, dear one. 

Cats leave paw prints not just on my heart but my soul

Over the past 29 years I've lived I've always had cats in my life. 
Smudge, Tammy , Sam-wise , Rusty, Poppy , Dizzy, Gilmore ,Spike, Sookie , Minion, Minnie, Spot, Lightning and Flash. 
All these cats came to us one away or another they were either abandoned or neglected and made their way into our hearts and our home. 

In recent times the one's who captured my heart were Minnie's Children. Spike, Sookie and Minion. They were feral born but we managed to catch them and raise them to domesticated kitties. 
Minion we managed to get re-home, Spikey  personally adopted and Sookie my parents adopted. 

Spike and Sookie aged 4/5 months

Spike 

Sookie   

Sadly Both Spike and Sookie died with months of each other. Spike passed away of a heart attack on the 17th March and Sookie passed away on the 23rd October 2015 which I don't know what she died of. 

Sookie and Spike I saw as my children as I raised them, so losing both my children aged 3 hurts me, but I have such wonderful memories of when they were alive and I have plenty of photos of them too. Someday I do want to make a scrapbook of them. 

Minnie their mother she's very timid she sleeps and eats in the dining room and has her own little chair, but she's got a happy home now and loved. 

If you love something or someone don't let them go. Even if they have fur or no fur, everything still has a heart and a soul. Everything still deserves to be loved.

My heart will always have a space for a cat as they are loving unconditionally and they don't judge or view you in ways other humans do. Cats only ask for love and companionship in return as well as a place to live and food too.

My heart is the shape of a cat's paw print as so many cat's have touched it and left their own little mark. 

This goes out to all the people who have loved and lost their own Cats.

Sunday Positives

Sunday morning walk to the fields near to where  I live. I sat and wrote the things I saw and enjoyed the tranquility of it all. 

Wild flowers all around me with hedgerows of oak and brambles.

Bumbling bees by my knees going from flower to flower.

Clovers and Buttercups and the Butterflies dancing within the warmth of the summer air.

Skies of blue with fluffy white clouds with a cool breeze with the sun shining bright.

The long grasses tickle my nose. 

The chirps of the near by grass hoppers.

The peace.

By Rachel Sutcliffe 

The fields full of colour with flowers of all shapes and sizes all welcoming to all the creatures who call this placce home. 
I also saw evidence that it's home to wild animals, wild rabbit droppings as well as the many birds sitting within the hedgerow singing their songs. 

This place my dear reader is one of the places I feel most free and I forget all my worries. the only time when I'm on my own when I don't feel alone I'm happy with the beautiful world around me and forget about what's happening.