Mindfulness and relaxing

This week I've been doing mindfulness meditations everyday as well as eating a bowl of salad for my lunch, in the salad is Spinach, Coriander , Peppers and mango , black pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice. The salad keeps me going until dinner whatever I decide to have and the meditation first thing after I wake up helps me get on with my day however I choose to spend it. 

Calm....... Relax...... 

  Two little words I use every day to distract myself and make my day better. 

I breathe in and I breathe out, 

I sometimes struggle to switch off that's why I've turned to Mindfulness meditation and some times I go and do the practice outside where I can hear the motorway or sounds from the industrial estate or even the trains passing by every hour. But it's more peaceful at night it's quiet and like last night I went out into my garden lay on the grass and looked up at the stars. I felt at peace looking at the stars. 

Today I'm keeping the stars with me so I can keep that peace and I'll try my best to not let the thing's which have worried me over the past few days get to me. I'm currently sitting in my living room whilst I write this blog I heard the bell of my friend Poppycat earlier so she's hanging around in the garden somewhere. 

This evening as the sun goes down I'll light my incense and I'll put on a CD and I'll drift away into another world but before that The Great British Bake Off starts again tonight (whoop) I'll be watching that.

And if it's a star filled sky tonight I'll be back out joining them. 

  

Autumn is Coming!!!

I always seem to start my day the same, I wake up I smile then I get up out of bed put on my slippers and I go down stairs and make a brew and some breakfast. I also do that at festivals well without the getting my slippers on and walking down stairs for brew and breakfast. 

Yesterday it was a warm day I decided to go for a walk in the fields again. I gathered blackberries and watched the butterflies.
Whilst I gathered the blackberries I was talking to whoever was listening and telling them how my favorite season is slowly approaching whenever I see blackberries in all their ripeness. Autumn is my favorite season I look forward to warm jumpers and the colours changing within nature where ever I look, it inspires me so much with my art and writings. 
I think of a set of books I read when I was a kid Brambly Hedge by Jill Barklem. The life within the seasons for some mice living in a hedge. 
Whenever I go foraging I feel like one of these mice gathering food for the Store Stump for when the colder months set in. I didn't gather many blackberries yesterday but it did make me happy collecting them. I plan to put them in my freezer and gather more. I'll also get some big baking apples too and then I can make one of my favorite autumn treats, apple and blackberry pie. 

Yes I'm a little fae creature but I'm also like a wild animal I like to gather food and then wrap up warm. 
I put it down to reading about animals by Jill Barklem and Beatrix Potter as a child why I have the imagination I got, I mean whenever I see these wild animals on tv , or out on my walks I always imagine them doing their daily routine how us humans see them and then out of site I see their cozy little homes with bedrooms, kitchens, larders, living rooms etc. It's one of the things which makes me I guess , my wild and wonderful imagination. 
And on my walks I'm half expectingley to hear a rabbit 'come in and rest your feet and I'll put the kettle on', It's little things like this which makes me rather sane or insane but makes me happy and makes think of my own mum in her kitchen making pies, puds and lots of tasty meals.

I'm also looking forward to one of my favorite autumn treats, Starbuck's pumpkin spice treats.. ahhh heaven sitting in a warm coffee shop on a cold day with a pumpkin spice latte and pumpkin spice slice after shopping or even just sitting to watch the world go by. 

We're currently in the last full week of August dear reader hasn't this year gone fast.. Autumn will be almost here and soon we'll be seeing pumpkins and Halloween things in every shop. I'm looking forward to putting on a my hat, scarf and and gloves again and shopping for more jumpers (hehehe) :-) . I'm also going to go out and take photos of this lovely season too, 

Forgiveness

The list of people I want to forgive is endless I wont list it here instead I ask forgiveness in things I've done and things I've said to you to hurt you or upset you in anyway shape or form.

I've done things I'm ashamed of and I've done things which I regret.

I always relive these memories in my mind and they make me so unhappy and I cannot let them go..

I need help in many ways but most of all I need you to forgive me for whatever I have done to hurt you. I only did it out of love for you,

Please please forgive me for whatever it is I did and I'll always be sorry for it too...... 

The Darkness Within Talking..

Over the past few days I've been feeling like the world has died and I've had nothing to live for. I've cried a million tears and I've felt like I've been trapped in a soundproof box and no one could hear my screams..

I kept my brave face on but some could see the tears rolling down some offered a friendly ear and some even gave a hug. But they didn't help. I still felt trapped in the box. 

Some call depression the black dog but I see t personally as the black rabbit, it even scared my spirit hare one time and I've not seen it since even if I have been wearing the amulet and the crystals to protect me. I try to keep a positive head but something seems to beat me down. 

I feel like I'm in constant darkness that I can't find a light I cant find that welcoming spirit to guide me home.. Where I look there's always demons all around. 

There's a light within the darkness but it's hard to keep it lit all the time sometimes either the bulb needs changing or the battery does even sometimes I don't have matches or a lighter so the light stays very dim. 

I either feel like I'm drowning and no one will dive in to save me or that I'm lost somewhere and I cant get out no matter where I can't find my path to lead me back to my home.. 

I keep crying and crying no one here no one there just my lonely little tears falling down.. My sleepless nights and my tired days. I wonder if it's all a dream and that I could wake up from it.. 

I curl up into a little ball on my bed like a sleeping cat but I don't feel the company like a cat does I don't feel like someone will take care of me and comfort me like how the cat does. 

Day after Day, Week after Week , Month after Month and Year after Year I keep telling myself it'll get better.. Keep on smiling.. Don't let them see... 

Note's to Keep a Positive Me

Well I'm back from my trip to see my parents in Lancashire. 
Whilst I was home away from home My mum bought me a notebook I wrote alot of positive things within it so this blog post dear reader will be be longer than my usual as it's going to be filled with the writings over the past week ( glad I can read my own writing :-P).

Looking Forward 
What is it what make's me look forward? What is it which makes me keep going and not to give up on what I believe in?
These questions I seem to ask myself all the time but I don't really know. I wake up each day and get on with my day however it is until I go to sleep and wake and then continue. 
Do I have a life's goal? No I don't think I do.... well maybe.. Just to be happy i guess. Be happiest i possibly can, by doing that I will keep on living and doing what i can and not give up on my dreams. I've put up with a lot in my past but it's time to forgive and forget and get on with my life for the better and not let anyone or anything drag me down. 

Adventures 
Some people travel to far off places and distant lands for adventure. For myself my adventures started off in my own land my own country of England, UK. I traveled south to Dorset and from there I explored beaches, towns and neighbouring counties.
After over a year I decided I wanted to see more as much as I could when I got back to my home county of Lancashire. I started venturing into neighbouring North Yorkshire and then thanks to friends I got to North Wales for the first time and few times after I decided I wanted to study here. I've been up mountains , in a woodland and by the sea but I still want to see more. 
My heart wants to be free and be overgrown like a bramble patch, but I also want it to be content with it's self. 
I want to explore and find my way with the wild and find out who I truly am and be my own person.
Where ever I'll be I want to look up at the stars and wherever i might be those stars will be different.
Each time I'll look up at the stars the heavens will shine down on me and I'll feel blessed and smile.
My dearest stars , my friends, my family my wishes. You showed me how to sparkle in the deepest and darkest times and no matter where i'll be you'll always be there. 

Cozy for One 
Either by sitting in a little tea room or a busy coffee shop or even in my room, I'm always in my own cozy little head space. I find myself drifting off into a day dream when either doodling, writing  and drinking tea or a latte. 
People don't notice me but I don't mind that at all I feel happy there watching the world go by. 

Flying Free
I've had a lifetime of ups and downs, more downs than i can count, but I want to correct all the wrongs and let them go. I want to be free and start afresh and then I can be free. 
I can not let the future scare me and I'll be able to look forward and do something great. 
I can try new things I can go new places I can live my life how I've always wanted. 
Nothing can hold me back I can look forward and I can be free and fly.

Hopes and Future memories

It's a new week this week and I've got a few things lined up. I've paid my rent and got my shopping I'm also going back to Lancashire to see my family too until next week then I be home then I'll be away with the faeries, so busy few weeks you could say.

I'm sat here watching out my window to my garden thinking how overgrown it's getting but last night I went outside and sat in the grass and I looked deeper in. I saw a resting bumble bee on a flower and I saw many caterpillars and a few beetles. Sometimes it's nice to watch the world go by from a different angle. It was very soggy too and I got a wet bum.

It's the 1st August today and I' celebrating living in North Wales for a year, I can't believe I've lived here a year, it's flown by. I got more things from what I brought with me, mostly clothes and colouring books and  have a printer and a laptop too.
It's crazy how time has flown by. 

What can I say I've learnt about this past year living here, well I've been learning how to live in my own company, how to entertain myself, seeing what's around me and not to be afraid to get lost in a new places and don't be afraid to cry.
This has been one of the biggest moves of my life not just physically but mentally too. I never thought I'd move out of Pendle again but I did, I go back every month to see my family and a few friends. 
I'm hoping for new changes this autumn I'm looking forward to getting back to university and getting back into the routine of  creating things in the workshop again. From October I'll have to work really hard and come up with exciting things for each module and make plenty of samples, do plenty of research and lots of sketchbook ideas, I've been told that second year is hard but got to do well if I want to come out with fantastic grades when I get my degree in 2018. I hope I get to mix the materials too instead of sticking to the one area it's something I'll ask about. 
As a person who believes in astrology I check my horoscope each day and check my short forecast for each 6 month on astro.com  reading for the next 6 months things are meant to improve by October for me.. lets see if it's correct and things do improve. 

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude towards things right now and do as much as I can but unfortunately I struggle with some things sometimes little or big depending on the way you look at them. I always feel like there's two sides to me the negative and the positive.  

Someday's I feel less motivated and I don't leave the house I sit on my laptop all day and just browse on Pinterest or FB and talk to some of my friends who also understand me. I make a brew and some food and watch the day pass me by. 
Sometimes I wake up and I'm excited about my day, I jump in the shower then get dressed, pack a bag and go out for the day. I go somewhere interesting and enjoy myself. Wherever I go I always look for a nice tearoom or cafe and sit and have a nice brew in different surroundings. 

I sometimes I feel like that I'm not good enough for anything I do. I feel like I don't deserve a place where I am and I don't feel like I'm worthy of any of the things I've done over the past 5 years. I feel my eyes are worthy of seeing the things I've seen. 
I feel proud of where I am with my life and what I've achieved. I also feel blessed that I've had people in my life that have wanted to share an adventure with me and taken me places with them as well as gone places on my own.

I love to make memories I love to keep my happiest memories. If I go somewhere new I always make sure I have my camera with me so I can record my memories by a photograph. With photographs I can look back and I can remember and I can smile. 
Some moments of my adult life I haven't photographed but I remember them like the June of my 21st year I got the chance to see the rock band Bon Jovi with a friend but it was a great day. 

I look forward to making more happy memories as my life  goes on. This is the only time my Anxiety doesn't attack me. I keep my mind open not to an event which I know is going to happen but keeping the path empty, those trees haven't been planted yet.